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missdianeMom is annoying me and stressing me out. For short background on the deal with her and Dad. In 2021, Dad had a medical crisis and during one of the surgeries, he also had a small stroke. So he forgets words and other things but is otherwise pretty functional, though still somewhat fragile, mentally and physically. He will be 87 in October. Mom is more mentally functional but physically not. She can't walk and Dad has to help her get to the bathroom and help her on and off and into her wheelchair. She turned 83 in April.
Mom complains about Dad's cooking and what makes me very angry is when she mocks him for his brain not working right. She'll also get teary when she needles him enough that he tells her to shut up or fuck off which no, he shouldn't do that but it's like she does it on purpose so she can try to get sympathy when she brought it on herself. She doesn't get sympathy from me since I hear how she treats him when I'm on the phone with her. I don't lecture her, I just go quiet at her attempts at getting coddled. He doesn't harass her about her physical disabilities since I know I'd hear about that if he did.
Anyway, some time ago we were able to get them set up on their local Meals on Wheels program. Dad gets two meals a day, Mom gets one. Since they were getting confused and making mistakes, each month I go through the menus with them to make their choices and I email a sheet for each one to their coordinator. I also got tired of them calling me at work during lunch to ask what they got so this month I made a master calendar and physically mailed it to them.
Well now Mom suddenly doesn't like the meals after singing their praises for months. Last week she bitched that Dad got a sandwich she liked and I reminded her that we went through every choice. Now this week she complains that she's getting "too many sandwiches." When they gave Dad the printed menus (there's SIX choices per day), he went through and marked which ones he wanted and let me know and I verified. With Mom, she just couldn't be fucking bothered so I had to go through each single day one by one.
I asked Mom if she wanted to go back through and review the menus and change anything and she was all "no no, it's FINE" and Dad offered to go down to one meal a day and eat her meal when she doesn't like it and make her food. I pointed out that it won't work since she doesn't like his cooking. (Also, Dad NEEDS to eat a lot. He's got that old person revved up metabolism and can't keep weight on) She threw a pissy fit on Sunday because he put mustard instead of mushrooms on her hamburger and refused to eat.
So I said to Mom "What's the solution, then?" and she did the dramatic "NOTHING, I'LL JUST NOT EAT ANYYYYTHING" I said with all the cookies, candy, ice cream and other sweets they order on grocery orders, I know she's not starving and it's NOT good since she's diabetic. She just pouted. I won't indulge her with this unreasonable temper tantrum. She whined that she just wants some noodles with butter and herbs or some such. But you know, even if I sent them microwavable ones by Stouffer, she'd bitch about those in a day or two.
Old lady, I know you are in pain and I you want control in your life but you are being a grade A asshole. I didn't point out to her that if Dad goes before she does, she will have to be put in a nursing home. I don't have the money to move her to NJ and I can't physically care for her and the other two siblings frankly don't care enough.
Last night my back was acting up again, probably due to being stressed out. Yeah, lady, I didn't have anyone to make me noodles when my back was out the last couple of weeks so BE FUCKING REASONABLE.
Rant over. Just needed to get that out.
Mom complains about Dad's cooking and what makes me very angry is when she mocks him for his brain not working right. She'll also get teary when she needles him enough that he tells her to shut up or fuck off which no, he shouldn't do that but it's like she does it on purpose so she can try to get sympathy when she brought it on herself. She doesn't get sympathy from me since I hear how she treats him when I'm on the phone with her. I don't lecture her, I just go quiet at her attempts at getting coddled. He doesn't harass her about her physical disabilities since I know I'd hear about that if he did.
Anyway, some time ago we were able to get them set up on their local Meals on Wheels program. Dad gets two meals a day, Mom gets one. Since they were getting confused and making mistakes, each month I go through the menus with them to make their choices and I email a sheet for each one to their coordinator. I also got tired of them calling me at work during lunch to ask what they got so this month I made a master calendar and physically mailed it to them.
Well now Mom suddenly doesn't like the meals after singing their praises for months. Last week she bitched that Dad got a sandwich she liked and I reminded her that we went through every choice. Now this week she complains that she's getting "too many sandwiches." When they gave Dad the printed menus (there's SIX choices per day), he went through and marked which ones he wanted and let me know and I verified. With Mom, she just couldn't be fucking bothered so I had to go through each single day one by one.
I asked Mom if she wanted to go back through and review the menus and change anything and she was all "no no, it's FINE" and Dad offered to go down to one meal a day and eat her meal when she doesn't like it and make her food. I pointed out that it won't work since she doesn't like his cooking. (Also, Dad NEEDS to eat a lot. He's got that old person revved up metabolism and can't keep weight on) She threw a pissy fit on Sunday because he put mustard instead of mushrooms on her hamburger and refused to eat.
So I said to Mom "What's the solution, then?" and she did the dramatic "NOTHING, I'LL JUST NOT EAT ANYYYYTHING" I said with all the cookies, candy, ice cream and other sweets they order on grocery orders, I know she's not starving and it's NOT good since she's diabetic. She just pouted. I won't indulge her with this unreasonable temper tantrum. She whined that she just wants some noodles with butter and herbs or some such. But you know, even if I sent them microwavable ones by Stouffer, she'd bitch about those in a day or two.
Old lady, I know you are in pain and I you want control in your life but you are being a grade A asshole. I didn't point out to her that if Dad goes before she does, she will have to be put in a nursing home. I don't have the money to move her to NJ and I can't physically care for her and the other two siblings frankly don't care enough.
Last night my back was acting up again, probably due to being stressed out. Yeah, lady, I didn't have anyone to make me noodles when my back was out the last couple of weeks so BE FUCKING REASONABLE.
Rant over. Just needed to get that out.
no subject
Date: 13 Jun 2023 13:10 (UTC)no subject
Date: 13 Jun 2023 13:13 (UTC)I'm also tired of hearing about Little House on the Prairie plotlines since she's currently into that lol
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Date: 13 Jun 2023 14:28 (UTC)My friend A, his parents are living independently (at least for now) but both are suffering some form of dementia, so it's really hard. They have Meals on Wheels - although I don't think it's quite as fancy as yours - I'm not sure if they get to select from a menu or not?
I know that his dad is obnoxious at times and complains constantly about the food the Meals on Wheels gives them - which A feels bad about, so A ends up bringing home a bunch of the food that they are given, and his dad refuses to eat, just so that it won't be wasted. But then other times, they will absolutely rave about the (very same) Meals on Wheels food - so they won't cancel it, either?
So I said to Mom "What's the solution, then?" and she did the dramatic "NOTHING, I'LL JUST NOT EAT ANYYYYTHING"
LOL I'm sorry, I had to laugh even though I know it's super frustrating for you {{{{hugs}}}}
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Date: 13 Jun 2023 14:35 (UTC)I would have laughed when she did it if I weren't already so irritated at her grown toddler temper tantrum.
She might get the line she absolutely HATES tonight if she's still in a snit of "You're acting just like your MOTHER"
Mind you, they took the old people bus to Kroger just last week and Mom spent over $100 on sushi and other sweets and bullshit. I also occasionally treat them on weekends to food delivery so she can stop it with her diva bullshit.
If she decides she wants to live on cookies and candy and eat herself into a diabetic coma, well, guess that's her choice.
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Date: 13 Jun 2023 18:01 (UTC)LOL - those are the Big Guns!
From what you describe, they are in no danger of starving or even being mildly hungry, like you said, it's complaining for the sake of complaining. Definitely nothing you need to actually *do* anything about!