Life is a combination of magic and pasta.

Though it's been tempting to do it to Mr. Needy Early Riser JonJon

In case you were wondering - kitty is FINE. lol

So I'm sitting eating lunch at a little bakery and they have a radio station playing Xmas tunes. I foolishly started paying attention to the lyrics and realized that damn, many of them are creepy as all hell. Now there's the more obvious depressing ones like "Blue Christmas" where most of the time it's Elvis pissing and moaning about some chick that clearly doesn't have an interest in dealing with his drama around the holidays, and the same sort of whiny theme for "Please Come Home for Christmas with this oh-not-depressing-at-ALL bit:

My baby's gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again

Bud, pull it together! Even "I'll Be Home for Christmas" leads you to believe it's hopeful until you get to the end:

I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

Passive aggressive much, dude? Ok, so I get it. It's the time of year people off themselves because they're depressed. No need to beat us over the head. But then there's other ones that seem ok until you listen to them. The song that first made me go "damn, really?" was "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" which prompted me to tweet
"We Wish You a Merry Xmas" is a bunch of bitch-ass extortionists demanding pudding or they'll continue their singing sit-in.

If you listen to it, it's annoying AF:
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
And a cup of good cheer

We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
So bring it right here

If I got that kind of crap from carolers, I'd be tempted to yell "Now listen you rude drunken asswipes, get off my porch before I toss a carafe of hot coffee on you!"

Heck, even in "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" the parental frustration with the holiday is palpable with this bit:
A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben;
Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen;
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.

Heh, hope I didn't ruin too much for you. Just spike the hell out of that eggnog and warble "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" and you'll be fine.

Hipster Priest Consecrates Fresh Batch Of Seasonal Pumpkin Spice Eucharist

Mmmm, what goes with pumpkin spice Jesus instead of the boring standard blood? Mulled wine? Hard apple cider?

If I were a believer, I'd be wondering why the big daddy G to the D hasn't smited all this pumpkin spice nonsense yet.

Oh my GOSH. They made a movie about Florence Foster Jenkins!


If you don't know who she is you can check out her Wikipedia page. Or you can listen to the real deal - brace your ears!:

The top comment on this YouTube tells it - I played this loudly and I've never seen my cats more pissed.

I love my kitties so I shant assault their poor little ears by turning up the volume.