Keeping tradition alive

[missdiane]

I listen but this year I'll post - happy September day!

Watch on YouTube

In other news, so far Mom is approved and scheduled to move to the new place tomorrow. She's been pretty cranky so I hope this is a good move. I have a feeling she'll be ok for about a week before she starts complaining again but well, unless there's something drastic, new place is home.

Comments

[vysila]

That's very good news about your mother! It sounds like she won't be happy anywhere, but that is her choice. I feel for her, it must be hard to feel you have no control over these decisions. But I feel for you, too, I know this is incredibly hard to go through.

Will this place take your father as well? I'm sure it would help if they are together.

[missdiane]

She's been declining for some time but she can't seem to help herself at all or isn't willing to. So for as much as she's likely to complain, this is the end of the line.

Sis is working with their doctor and we're hoping that we'll be able to get them in the same facility once Dad can qualify for nursing care for his memory issues. The new place seems very willing to help as much as they can with that and get them in a room together

[vysila]

I see in another post that today is moving day for your mum. Fingers crossed that she is able to settle in and find a bit of enjoyment still in life. Her attitude will make or break this move.

Yes, I hope you get a good phone number for her ASAP so your dad won't be worrying.

I hope he manages all right by himself for a while, until he can get settled in a facility.

[missdiane]

In theory, ten minutes to move time. The last day or so, getting her phone to ring has been hit or miss. And I know it's not her since yesterday, both parents were there and the phone didn't ring but then 45 minutes later it did.

I was talking to him last night about playing music on his computer and his radio so it's less quiet. I have a feeling I'm going to have to keep my phone charged, which is fine. I sent this to Emily in DM just a few hours ago

Oh Dad...lol. He was "washing" his clothes with Downy and was telling me he was low and needed more. I had him go through while on the phone with me and he found some Persil and I told him the differences. He did say he was low on the Persil so when I get him groceries next week, I'm going to get him the pods so he doesn't have to figure out the detergent compartments anymore

[vysila]

Oh, your poor dad! He never learned how to do laundry? Or is it that he has just forgotten the difference between detergent and softener?

Good idea about playing music, or keeping the TV on. Sometimes hearing people talking is better than just music. It feels less lonely to hear someone talking, even if it is on tv.

[missdiane]

Dad's been doing laundry correctly for years. He's forgotten how to do things and what things are. Also, he has to spell things for me a lot since he can't read the words. It's heartbreaking. He really does need to be in the memory care program.

I'm hoping he'll get to his email (he does know how to do that) and watch some of the movies I sent links to. Some of them are classics that he may or may not remember. I also told him about some silly things I like to watch like Camping with Steve and told him I'd send him links to those

[vysila]

He's forgotten how to do things and what things are.

Ohhh, that really is heartbreaking. *hugs*

[halfmoon_mollie1]

that sounds good. Kudos to you and your sis. I know it will be a relief to you now to just get your Dad settled...

[missdiane]

For the time being, he take the on demand bus a couple of times per week to visit but hopefully it won't be too much longer to get him in there with her. The two of them are hanging out today at the original place and watching TV. I'm hoping once she moves and he's there too that she'll be more social with the other folks

[spiffikins]

This is good news - and yes, you're likely right that your mom will be fine while the novelty is there and then she'll find things to complain about - but no place will be magical and perfect!

Like vysila said, it has to be hard to feel like you don't have any control - but she gets to choose how she handles it. She can choose to be unhappy and miserable, or she can choose to find the good things and make the best of it.

I may have mentioned this to you - when my grandmother moved into an assisted living facility ages ago, my aunt, who worked in those facilities (she bounced around a number of them) - told her that there was a "window" of opportunity when you move in. As the new person, the other residents and staff will make overtures to you, inviting you to participate in things and join them. You can certainly decline - but if you ALWAYS decline - people will respect that, and stop inviting you.

So, my aunt strongly recommended to my grandmother - even if it's not something you necessarily feel like doing righ then and there - accept those invitations! Join in the thing! Meet the people! Because you're setting the tone - that you *want* to be included. Once you have settled in, you can back off and just do the things you really enjoyed - but by that point you should have established yourself as someone who wants to be asked, at least :D

And it worked for my grandmother - who was not a particularly gregarious (or nice) person - but she put in an effort, and ended up really enjoying her time in that place, because she did get included in things.

[missdiane]

That's excellent advice. I have Mom's BFF on standby who will be ready to give Mom pep talks just like that and also hopes she can come visit Mom once she's settled in. I know that will give her a big boost. One of her other besties lives somewhat nearby and I hope can go visit her too and get her involved.

Sis had one thing right, that Mom sometimes also acts like Gollum when it comes to money. I mean she didn't have much and we'll get you what you need so what is the obsession about?

[bluecatartist]

Encouraging news about your mom. I hope she'll soon settle in okay. It is just hard and being from a distance I know it is harder.

[missdiane]

Thanks. I need to check my lottery tickets lol

[threecee]

Great news! I hope your mother is finally settled and decides she can be happy there. I'm sure if you can get your father in too it will help both of them.

I understand her worry about money in a way. I keep thinking I will run out of my savings and I know my income isn't going to go up. So I tend to agonize over any expense that isn't "essential" and just makes my life more comfortable. Of course, I don't have any kids to send me money, so I do have to be more cautious.

(If you'd like me to adopt you and have you send me money, I'm willing. You seem to be good at this long distance care thing.)

[missdiane]

She hasn't groaned to me about the money yet but if she does, I'll just keep reminding her that if she went home, to get full time healthcare, her savings would have been depleted at maximum two months even with discounts and in her new place, if she needs something I will get it for her.

LOL I gotta plan for when I'm inevitably totally disabled but if you come across a dire need, I got ya. <3