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So I'm sitting eating lunch at a little bakery and they have a radio station playing Xmas tunes. I foolishly started paying attention to the lyrics and realized that damn, many of them are creepy as all hell. Now there's the more obvious depressing ones like "Blue Christmas" where most of the time it's Elvis pissing and moaning about some chick that clearly doesn't have an interest in dealing with his drama around the holidays, and the same sort of whiny theme for "Please Come Home for Christmas with this oh-not-depressing-at-ALL bit:
My baby's gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again
Bud, pull it together! Even "I'll Be Home for Christmas" leads you to believe it's hopeful until you get to the end:
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
Passive aggressive much, dude? Ok, so I get it. It's the time of year people off themselves because they're depressed. No need to beat us over the head. But then there's other ones that seem ok until you listen to them. The song that first made me go "damn, really?" was "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" which prompted me to tweet
"We Wish You a Merry Xmas" is a bunch of bitch-ass extortionists demanding pudding or they'll continue their singing sit-in.
If you listen to it, it's annoying AF:
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
And a cup of good cheer
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
So bring it right here
If I got that kind of crap from carolers, I'd be tempted to yell "Now listen you rude drunken asswipes, get off my porch before I toss a carafe of hot coffee on you!"
Heck, even in "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" the parental frustration with the holiday is palpable with this bit:
A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben;
Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen;
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.
Heh, hope I didn't ruin too much for you. Just spike the hell out of that eggnog and warble "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" and you'll be fine.
My baby's gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again
Bud, pull it together! Even "I'll Be Home for Christmas" leads you to believe it's hopeful until you get to the end:
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
Passive aggressive much, dude? Ok, so I get it. It's the time of year people off themselves because they're depressed. No need to beat us over the head. But then there's other ones that seem ok until you listen to them. The song that first made me go "damn, really?" was "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" which prompted me to tweet
"We Wish You a Merry Xmas" is a bunch of bitch-ass extortionists demanding pudding or they'll continue their singing sit-in.
If you listen to it, it's annoying AF:
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
And a cup of good cheer
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
So bring it right here
If I got that kind of crap from carolers, I'd be tempted to yell "Now listen you rude drunken asswipes, get off my porch before I toss a carafe of hot coffee on you!"
Heck, even in "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" the parental frustration with the holiday is palpable with this bit:
A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben;
Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen;
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.
Heh, hope I didn't ruin too much for you. Just spike the hell out of that eggnog and warble "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" and you'll be fine.
