Just one of those annoying little things

[missdiane]

Some things you dismiss but they'll inevitably come cropping back up to nag at your brain. Short background: they are trenching around the outside of our building at work and there are a crew of guys that put sailors to shame with their cussing and aren't exactly the most eye-candy worthy of dudes (Joe quipped that Larry the Cable Guy was working and man, one of them really was a spitting image lol). 

Anyway, yesterday something Elaine said just kind of got under my skin, though it's something that's my issue. She joked that none of the guys outside are at all good looking enough to bother to tell our work friend Latisha to check out. The reason that it got me is that folks don't ever ask about that aspect of me. Whether I've been married (I think they're rather aware that I haven't), whether I've been in a long term relationship (I think they're assuming I haven't, which they would be correct), or whether I've been in a short term relationship (fyi, nope, nothing there either). I know I've mentioned about some actor or something being a hottie and such, but I guess it makes me wonder why no one asks. 

It's funny because I don't even really want anyone to ask because it's embarrassing but it makes me feel like there's something perceived as wrong with me since no one broaches ever the subject at all. I gave up on the concept of bothering to make any attempts at that stuff years ago but ages of social norms are difficult to completely dismiss. 

Comments

[bluecatartist]

Wow, this crass ... whatever it is where ppl are judged by their hotness and whether you'd want to ogle or f**k them has long annoyed me. And ppl say it as a joke but really? What does that say about THEM to judge someone else so harshly over looks?

It is one of my issues too. Having been called a MILF at one time, my son was upset at the guy he worked w. who used the term although J-man at first said it was a compliment. When I replied 'my worth is not up to some 20-something year old and his of whether I'm still f**kable' J-man realized what it really meant. And he was judged for being the tall, skinny gay guy who was a fetish, and realized sometimes it was not who he was that appealed to other guys but his physical body being so thin. (he has gained some weight at age 28 but is still tall, thinnish, not in the uber thin fetish range)

[missdiane]

These guys were pretty rude from the get-go and we're overhearing them say things like "yeah, my brother in law actually LET his wife be a cop" so they're really being the bad stereotype of construction dudes and are kind of deserving of some reverse snark.

Latisha actually likes her guys to either be "pretty" (she's a massive fan of Jared Leto) or guys that are a little rough around the edges. These guys, some from looks but mostly from their attitudes are more that a "little" rough - they're coarse. Not dangerous coarse, but annoying coarse.

[plant-lady60.livejournal.com]

I haven't known you that long, so that is why I've never been curious. But yeah, I can see why that would annoy you. It would annoy the hell out of me, too.

Just my two cents...From what I know of you in here, I think you are a pretty cool person and whatever your relationship status is, it's your business, if you don't have one, who am I to judge you?

Don't let the bastards get you down.

[missdiane.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the support! I wouldn't figure you'd be curious. It's something that anymore I don't generally bring up so that I don't have to keep it forefront in my mind. But as you know with things like this, every now and then there'll be something that pokes you the wrong way.

I would have liked to have had some sort of relationship at some point - short or long - so that I wouldn't feel like such an oddball but at 47, I'm accepting that the ship has likely sailed since I wouldn't have the slightest clue how to behave after never having experienced it (and so I got cats lol)

[plant-lady60.livejournal.com]

Seriously, I love my husband, but when I married him, I had no idea he had Autism. It wasn't as obvious, at first and the whole time I was pregnant, he was gone on his job a lot-3 weeks gone, 1 week home, the whole almost 10 months I was pregnant. It wasn't until after my daughter was born it became more obvious. Then, his oldest sister told me on a visit to come see us and the then baby.

He can be hard to relate to and communicate with. The older I get, the harder it gets and the less patience I have, especially dealing with my troubled child and all of her shit! There are times that I wish I had never gotten married or had my daughter, even though I love them both. But the amount of time and effort I've had to put in while not getting a whole lot back-it makes me feel empty inside, at times.

So there you go. At least you will never feel ANY of that. Feel fortunate, my friend. Sometimes, a relationship and kids are a handful that can be exhausting emotionally and psychologically.

[missdiane.livejournal.com]

And he loves you, right? I've never known that. Ever.

[plant-lady60.livejournal.com]

I know this may sound like a pity-party thing, and I'm not trying to make it sound that way, but I have no idea if he loves me. I know at one time he did, but now? Who knows? It may just being used to someone, like an old blanket. That's how long marriages can get. I've talked to many women friends who've been married a long time. After awhile, it's like a roommate that sleeps in the same bed....

[veganhothead.livejournal.com]

Most people have a sadly limited view of things. They think life is birth, school, work, marriage and kids and then death. It confuses their tiny brains when someone deviates from the norm. And they don't know how to relate to anyone who does.

But it's their shortcoming, not yours.

[missdiane.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. But it's kind of weird to be assumed to be a eunuch or something. Unless they just have made the assumption that I'm asexual instead of just merely celibate? Which granted, would be understandable, I guess.

[veganhothead.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is weird. You know what they say about when you "assume."