Like a tapeworm in the brain

[missdiane]

Anxiety is a parasite. It's a living being that thrives on the adrenaline it makes you generate. It's a tricky thing that evades being caught and eliminated for good. It'll go into hiding somewhere in the dark recesses of your brain and lies in wait until everything is quiet before striking hard. Why does the parasite wait? Because it has learned somehow that the adrenaline is sweeter if allowed to stay down for a while before being prodded back again all nice and plentiful and fresh.

Damned parasite. It decided last night that it had waited long enough and started to prod at my subconscious when I was drifting off to sleep, causing broken and nonsensical mini-nightmares. It woke me up and decided it wasn't pleased that I wasn't reacting enough so it squeezed at my back so that I couldn't sleep in bed anymore. Then when I was foolish enough not to take anything aside from pain meds, decided to worm back into the dreams.

Suffice it to say, I'm tired today and glad that I'd already planned to take the day off. However screw that parasite. A little white pill will take care of things tonight...I hope.

Comments

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you have a day to reconnoiter. That's important at times. *hugs*

[missdiane.livejournal.com]

Thanks *return huggles*
I'm using days before the end of June so I don't lose them but it almost causes me more anxiety since I'm now responsible for SO much. I thought I was handling it all pretty well but clearly there's something buried underneath trying to sneak out.

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

Well, you are to be commended for taking the upper hand and holding firm. It will all get down, one way or the other. I mean, what would happen if you were gone for a protracted period of time?

[missdiane.livejournal.com]

Actually, it won't get done. There is no backup for my position. Hell, even Bosslady had ME to fall back on if she had to be out a while (not that she appreciated it at the time). Dipshit business guy has no idea about how to keep the projects going, Bossman seems to have no interest in learning.

What would probably happen is that Elaine would be good enough to step in a little if something catastrophic happened to me and on former Bosslady's guidance from a distance, they'd keep things going until they found someone permanent. But I can pretty much forget about doing something like taking a few week leave.

I seem to be falling into this pattern. At the previous office in the University, if I wasn't there, no one's accounts were set up, nothing went from pre-award to post-award which sucked when I had to have my gallbladder out and then again later when I suffered from burnout. On the second, they at least had the woman that did my job before that was promoted to fill in the gaps. On this job...well...I don't have that.

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

That sounds very short sighted on their part. I'd make damn sure someone else knew what was going on and I would document the crap out of my job functions. (I know, in your copious free time).

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Beat that parasite down girl!

[missdiane.livejournal.com]

Workin' on it! I swear sometimes it's as bad as the monster in Alien waiting to burst forth from my chest. lol